Forget criticising horrible Christmas jumpers – the influx of offensive shirts is on the rise

Everyone wants to look edgy, people want to be alternative, if you don’t own a pair of retro glasses than you haven’t got any friends. Yeah yeah yeah, we get it.

It seems that recently on campus, boys have been channelling their inner David Bowie, circa 1983, by showcasing an array of shirts that can only be described as highly offensive.

It’s all very well trying to fit in with your VK-downing, tobacco rolling clique, but there must come a point when you realise you have gone too far.

These psychedelic tops are only fit for one place – the charity shop.

Let's hope this was for a themed social...

Let’s hope this was for a themed social…

In an attempt to impress, the types of shirts that you might find on an 80s children’s TV presenter at the centre of an inquiry are making an unwelcome comeback.

This is what "homeless chic" looks like

This is what “homeless chic” looks like

A face of a guilty offender

The face of a guilty offender

An easy mistake to make, this crime is often one that your flatmates won’t tell you about as they most likely assume you’re going to a “most-outrageous” social of some sort.

If you question a guy on this awful style, don’t be fooled when they tell you “oh this old thing, my Dad bought this way back in the day on a retreat to Thailand in the 70s”.

What he really means is “It cost me £45 from Urban Outfitters.”

Who knew people still wore velvet?

Who knew people still wore velvet?

But can we blame these boys for being so misguided? Yes, yes we can. Because there is NO excuse for wearing something reminiscent of the after effects of bolting too many pints.

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“I bought this on my gap yah”

Unfortunately this isn’t Leonardo DiCaprio starring in The Beach. Sorry girls.

Some probably died  in this...

Someone probably died in this…

You’re likely to spot one of these nasty pieces at the “edgier” nights in town.

It's actually November, not Hawaii summer hols

It’s actually November, not Hawaii summer hols

You can also find similar styles in high street stores of Cancer Research, Age Concern and maybe even Oxfam if you’re lucky.

Don’t spend more than £4.99 though or you’ll risk losing your street cred.

You ain't gonna pull wearing that son

You ain’t gonna pull wearing that son

The more colourful and outrageous the pattern, the better…if you want to look like a fool.

Shirts like this usually travel in packs

Shirts like this usually travel in packs

So unless you’re at a Surfing society Hawaiian themed social, or you’ve been forced to wear something like this because your partially-blind Nan bought it for you, it is not a good look.

Take some advice and burn these foul pieces of synthetic, before it’s too late.

  • Concerned shirt lover

    Or, you know, people could wear whatever they want without judgement?

    • Guest

      Calm down Al

    • Everyone

      nah but they are shit though

    • Some guy on the internet

      Careful, don’t make too much sense, they’ll have your head

  • Lover of swafe shirts

    maybe one day you can join us

    • a genuine bloke

      i love shirts